I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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