i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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