i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
