a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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