This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
