he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
