I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have already put on my inside pants.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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