Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we're making bets on your personal life
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
