Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
