I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she smelled like a LAN party
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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