I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
