I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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