her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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