so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
