She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
