just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
