I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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