Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
