he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
