We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
