y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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