why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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