Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
