I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
