I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
