It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
