Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
