Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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