Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
