Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
