I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
