Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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