Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
