Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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