i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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