It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
