My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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