He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Come share oat with me in your robe
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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