Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
sex in a hospital.. check
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
