So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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