he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
