my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
