I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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