oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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