life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
