i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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