I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i believe in u and ur pee
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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