Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
