Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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