i don't like sucking hair
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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