So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So much Jack, so little girl.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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