Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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