Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
