lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
