you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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