So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
