Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
