brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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