I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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