somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
