Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
nutella sex= disaster
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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