Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
