Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
