Grow some girl-balls and come out already
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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