OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize