My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
