you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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