feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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